no one’s taught me the secret handshake yet

Never mind Mommy Group. I’m starting to worry that there’s a larger, more sinister and far more subversive group out there to worry about and they simply all blend in with the crowds: Parents. More specifically, people who have been parents for, say, more than a year and for whom the initial shock has worn off.

That seems to be about the stage when I begin to hear phrases like:

“it’s the most wonderful and rewarding experience EVER”
“you can’t possibly begin to imagine how much BETTER your life will be”
“you don’t realise how much LOVE you have to give until after you have the baby”

and I do not for one second doubt the accuracy or sincerity of any of these statements. What is gravely disturbing is the look that crosses people’s faces as they utter one of these statements, the change in the tone of their voice and the fact that, almost without fail, the statements are preceded by the phrase “you don’t know it now, but…”.

I have to say it: it all comes across a little teeny bit brain-washed.

Maybe it’s just because all these epiphanies have been held – bottled up inside while Parents are waiting for their friends/co-workers/relatives to become pregnant. God knows, you can’t discuss pregnancy and babies with the non-pregnant for fear of being mortifyingly politically incorrect. But, I suspect there’s more to it. I’m waiting to watch for signs of subliminal messages during the pre-natal classes, or unrequested medication during the birth. Maybe they pipe something into the maternity wards. Maybe it’s the chronic lack of sleep in the first few months that makes Parents more susceptible to the all-is-bliss rhetoric.

Oh, yes, they mention the sleepless nights, crying and tantrums and then promptly laugh it all off: why, really, that was all fun too!

It’s a little sketchy, I tell you.

Maybe I’m just the one who needs a little more sleep, a few less-binding shirts, to feel a fetal movement or watch the ultrasound in a few weeks.

Yeah, that’s how they get you – slowly, over the course of your pregnancy. And it’s not the other Parents at all: it’s the baby! It’s the Baby you gotta watch out for…

And, I don’t know it yet, but I have this feeling that it’s going to be great.

2 responses to “no one’s taught me the secret handshake yet

  1. The secret handshakes evolve over time…by the time you get into parenting year 11 (such as me) it turns into more of a Homer Simpson D’oh! kind of thing. šŸ˜‰

  2. Yeah, trust me on this one. No matter hwo much effort they put intot rying to affect you, other parents have little or no impact compared to that of the impending little one.

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