you’re lucky I even vacuum

I earned my high school and university money working in jewellery stores. As a result, I can wrap a pretty nice gift box – given the appropriate tools, paper, ribbons and a nice square box.

However, given the largest, cheapest roll of wrapping paper, a pair of kitchen scissors, an un-boxed shirt [or better yet, bottle] and a carpeted floor as my work surface, and my wrapping becomes rather lacking.

I can’t cut in a straight line. Even those papers that come with the lines on the back don’t help one bit. Even if my cut is marginally straight, it’s ragged and jagged: a new divot created with each slice of the scissors. My corners, when folding the ends, are all bunchy and secured only with masses and masses of magic tape. And ribbons?? As if. I don’t think I even own any ribbons.

In a perfect and oh-so organised world, I would have a little desk set aside with one of those wrapping paper bins stationed next to it. I’d have fancy ribbons and nice scissors and extra birthday and holiday cards and and

and…oh my god. Who am I kidding??? Really, if I win the lottery house with 9000 square feet, then maybe I’ll consider dedicating space to the art of gift wrapping.

In real life, however, I’m really just not all that craft-inclined.

Which is why I’m a little concerned about one of the gifts my mother sent down; it’s “from” Martha Stewart [and when we were little, we got candy “from” the dentist, books “from” the librarian, etc etc]. It looks suspiciously like a scrap/baby’s first year book. I’m really hoping it isn’t.

And, when she sees my wrapping of this year’s presents, she’ll hope it isn’t too.

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