This year, I would like to give an award to my marriage. I know, that sounds really cheesy and ridiculous. But, this was the first time in my 6 year marriage and my 9 year relationship that it actually occurred to me that we could not make it, this might not last forever.
I don’t blog much about my marriage. Mostly because I feel like I have to keep something in my life private. But also because my marriage is not that interesting. I have a very good marriage. Because we were best friends for a number of years before starting to date, our relationship is based in friendship. Beyond everything else, Doug is my friend. And even when I want to kill him, I remember that.
But this year, something BIG happened. It wasn’t a deal breaker, like an affair or stealing money. But it was the worst fight we ever had. I felt betrayed. I felt unsupported. I felt as if he didn’t choose me, when he should have. And it was the angriest I ever was. And it ruined both my birthday and mother’s day. And it took me a long, long time to get over it.
And some point, months later, I realized I had to make a choice. I either got over it, or life as I knew it changed. And changed for good. And this was a choice only I could make. I knew what my husband wanted, he was sorry, deeply sorry, and it was time to move on. But I couldn’t do it. And then I did. One day I decided I was done being angry and hurt, and I was. It sounds easy, but it wasn’t. And I’m certainly not trying to make light of it.
I realized something this year. Marriage is a choice. And at some point, even when it is hard, I choose to love my husband. I choose the commitment I made, 6, no 9 years ago. I choose him. And I continue to choose him. Even though he is not perfect. Even though I am not perfect. Even though our marriage is not perfect. I chose him. I choose us.
This year, I give an award to my marriage. For surviving what I thought was the unsolvable. For muddling through the bad and for coming out the outside. Stronger, better, us.
This post has been brought to you by the blog exchange. The topic this month was to blog about what awards you are giving out this year. Jodi normally celebrates the randomness of life over at Jodifur, where she blogs about momhood to a toddler, marriage, a part-time law career, and everything in between. Please come visit, and you will see Jen’s terrific post. And thanks to Jen for being such a fabulous two time hostess.